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[vuzh]

i find myself in turmoil at work, when working all alone. turning over problems over and over again. turning over stupid things i've done over and over again. i need to get better at catching myself doing that, because every time i catch myself at it, i realize i've been tormenting myself for quite a while... stomach muscles all knotted up, jaw clenched. then i accept everything, and try to be present, in the now, and everything relaxes by itself. then a little while later, there i am gnashing my teeth again.
i've got to find a way of reminding myself that i just don't care about any of the crap that i keep wanting to torment myself about.

AAAUUauaaughghhghhh!!

so anyways...
("there's this green muck on my boots")
i finally finished the mixdown for the last ambient song about when i went insane, so it's mastering time! first full length set of recordings i have made since i went off the deep end and stopped recording almost a year ago.
YAY ME!
unfortunately, i've realized i now need another $600 of equipment to finish it, and upgrade my catalogue to CD. ssssnnnarrrhh.

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[vuzh.livejournal.com]

see my next post.
thank you los angeles! goodnight!