vuzh: seven (Default)
i have disabled responses to this post. please don’t try to reach out right now, i find it very difficult to process other people's communication about this, even though i know you mean well by it. if you came here from mastodon, you can favorite the post, but please don't comment there either. maybe this is selfish, but i really can't.

--

i have a hard time remembering small details over time when someone important to me dies. i write about it so that i can revisit these writings and remember the small details.

we lost Nusch on Tuesday the 5th of December, 2023. the loss is beyond immense. she was not yet seven years old. it is far too young.

i have never, ever known a cat like her, she was utterly unique. she was awestrikingly beautiful. you have never seen a cat with such beauty, i guarantee it. for a while we felt strange, undeserving, to be living with such a beautiful being. she didn’t act like some cats who know they’re beautiful. she was who she was, she had no egotism. she didn’t even like to have her photo taken.

the only thing we had ever seen that was as beautiful as her was the full solar eclipse. this, along with her love of eating cobwebs (she cleaned up our house of every cobweb she could reach within days of moving in) earned her the title “Eclipse-face the cobweb eater”. the shelter where we adopted her from had named her “Tiger Lily”, which was totally inappropriate, so not long after we brought her home, she was named Nusch, after Nusch Eluard, (who also died tragically young.)

we got her when she was an adolescent, just growing out of kitten stage. she was heavy to pick up, just dense as hell, despite how small she was. her fur felt like no other fur i’ve ever felt. it was like what i imagine seal fur to feel like. smooth, dense, an indescribably good feeling.



we adopted her a while after our cat Lumpy died. he was the sweetest boy, and was my special friend. that loss, too was immense, my heart was shattered. i didn’t know if i could get another cat, because the loss was so painful, and was associated with the trauma of my hospital stay and recovery - he had helped me heal, helped enormously. he would sit on my chest, having never done that before i was sick, but he wanted to help me. it took enormous effort for me to visit the shelter, but i agreed we needed to because our only other cat at the time, Lily, had, when Lumpy died, lost his best friend from childhood. Lily was lonely and depressed. so were carrie and i.

when i saw Nusch at the shelter, my first thought was, no, she is too beautiful and good for us. i actually left the shelter having decided it was too difficult to look at new cats. carrie convinced me to return and look again. the only cat i wanted to meet was Nusch, they put us in a room and brought her in. i remember her standing in the room, studying us from a distance for a while, then suddenly deciding we were okay and climbing all over us. she chose us, you could see her decide.

Lumpy would have adored Nuschy, it makes me feel good to know that.

she played hard when she was young, she could jump for things way up in the air, she had such big muscles, good for that kind of thing. as she grew up, her body didn't support that kind of play, but she did like rolling around with a tennis ball.



she had the most intense way of expressing her love. she would gaze deeply into your soul. on the occasion that she got on my lap she required total attention, she would take up my whole chest and rub intensely on my face, rubbing her lips into mine, smashing my nose, suddenly sniffing one eye or eyebrow. she loved smelling breath, and would ask you for a sniff with her body language. if i was away for a while, she always wanted a good sniff of my breath to tell where i had been.



she loved our other cats. she loved Lily immediately, would demand licks from him. as she got heavy, she was too large to lay on top of him. she understood that we didn’t want her to hurt Lily by laying on him and changed her behavior.



when Remy moved in, Remy was very antagonistic to Nusch for the first couple of years, i think Remy wanted to establish dominance, while Nusch didn’t care for any of that hierarchy stuff. slowly the relationship softened and they were well on the way to a very loving relationship. eventually they would come up and sniff/kiss each others necks, sometimes sleep close together. Nusch would reach out her paw to touch her. Nusch was always reaching out her paw to touch the people she loved. just a soft touch, a contact. we are together. she would put her paw on my hand and very softly, very gently sink her claws in to my hand when i pet her chest. Nusch’s attitude toward Remy was always just a little sassy though. she would still bonk her nose if she though Remy was being too weird. Remy is currently missing her big sister very much, searching for her and smelling / sleeping in Nusch’s favorite places.



Nusch loved belly skritches and chest rubs, and having her neck, cheeks and ears petted the best. she liked having kisses on her forehead. she tolerated petting all over her body, but those were her favorite areas.



sometimes when she had an intense dream, she would wake up needing consolation, and would make quick little staccato meows “mmow, mmow, mmow, mmow” until someone would come to comfort her. most of the time her meows were silent, but she could use her voice sometimes, and her voice was funny. i think she wanted to have a higher voice register than she actually did, so when she meowed in the way she thought she should sound, nothing came out. i heard her meow in a lower register once and it was very clear.



she was very smart, and very gentle, she had a loving demeanor.
she knew we loved her and knew we understood her.
she loved us back very much, and understood us as well, i believe she knew a great deal of our communication by language.

writing something like this will always be an inadequate memorial. i cannot describe subtle things, the way she moved her head, the way she walked, her many lovely expressions. photos can’t capture it all. i want to write it down and keep every detail inside me. my brain cannot hold on to it all. instead it holds on to this deep sadness. i would give anything to replace this sadness with clear, persistent memories of our beautiful, beautiful girl.

sweet, sweet Nuschy. i will always love you.
vuzh: seven (Default)
reposting from
http://www.vuzhmusic.com/blog/2023/06/05/in-memory-of-ian-c-stewart/


yesterday i learned that my friend Ian C. Stewart died.



Ian was a music enthusiast with a massive appetite for listening to new music. He was an obsessive fan of two bands, XTC and KISS, and participated in forums and bootleg trading networks for both.



He was also a heavily active musician during the time i knew him, recording solo music as Samarkand, and under his own name, and playing in groups, most notably Devilcake – the Satanic metal band whose lyrics were all about food, which had some notoriety and reknown in the Columbus Ohio area – and the drone collective Drone Forest, which included me among its members.



He wanted to do music and think about music and write about music and boost music to others all the time. He began a zine called AutoReverse for reviewing music by hometapers. this became a very valuable resource for the community, even if it didn’t have the higher profile and readership of Gajoob Magazine which was the only other publication that bothered to treat hometapers as though they were real musicians worth paying attention to. a few years after AutoReverse stopped publishing, he began a music magazine called Mouthy, for which he had higher aspirations for it to be a more professional endeavor, with greater reach. this proved a bigger challenge than he was able to manage, but he did admirably well professionally editing, printing and distributing it himself.



Ian was an enthusiastic and encouraging presence, always pushing people to do, to create – however much of his encouragement tended to push people into projects he was working on. i don’t say that with any regret or anything, i always loved working on Ian’s projects with him and his various teams. he was an energetic force and really brought diverse people together to do things.



we never met in person or actually spoke on the phone or anything, our whole relationship was by mail or over the internet, but it was still a pretty deep connection.



we met by mail in the early 1990s, maybe 91? 92? i had recorded some music on tape, and had discovered the hometaping underground, and was trading tapes with anyone who sent me something. Ian was one of the earliest people who sent me a tape out of the blue, i don’t know how he got my address. he was definitely the first to be very enthusiastic about my tape, he wrote a very flattering response to it, and it was authentic on his part, because he would bring up how much that tape meant to him many years later.



we began a correspondence and wrote each other frequent, long letters until around 2000 when i finally got a computer and could start doing email, then we emailed each other maybe even more frequently than we exchanged letters. in early years of the internet and the filesharing boom, Ian was deep into it. because we lived in the mountains well out of town, the best internet connection we could get was 128 kbps over a very, very noisy, rough phone line, so filesharing was something i couldn’t really do. when Ian found this out, about every two weeks he’d mail me 5 or 6 CDrs with mp3s he had downloaded, i’d listen and we’d write back and forth about whatever weird shit he found online.



i wrote reviews and did a few interviews for both AutoReverse and Mouthy. i also spent four years recording with Drone Forest, that was Ian, Dave Stafford, Mike Bowman and i. we had a shared FTP where we’d upload sound sources and each of us would mangle them and make music with them. it was an inspiring and fruitful collaboration for a while.



Ian would give really amazing, deep feedback on any of my music i sent him, it was so supportive, i always appreciated that and relied on him for that.



if we had one key disagreement (aside from his love of the very shitty band KISS) it was about the effort i would put in to the details of music. i would work very hard to make things sound the way i wanted them to sound, maybe spending hours on a tiny little sound that was mixed low. that was incomprehensible to him, and an utter waste of time in his opinion. Ian’s approach was fast, easy, have fun and it’s done. that was never my way.



it was sometime in the 00s that he started talking about his mother’s failing health. she had a degenerative disease called Huntingtons. if you know what this is, you know it is a horror. if you don’t know, imagine what Parkinsons disease does to the body and then add to that what Alzheimers disease does to the brain. the disease eats away at the person’s body and their personality to the point where they’re almost unrecognizable as the same person. Ian had almost no extended family, and so he ended up as the sole caregiver for his mother as she withered away and finally died. it was really rough on him.



Huntingtons is passed down genetically, when he finally got tested, and was positive it really destroyed him emotionally. he had seen firsthand what it does to a person, and knew in his thirties that basically he had no hope for a fully developed life, no real hope for a future. i tried to be as supportive as i could, but damn, how can you help with something that heavy?



after his diagnosis, if i remember right, he had about five or six years before he started to really show signs of cognitive decline.



we had some disagreements about Drone Forest in the late 00s which i think made us both feel a little burned. it was nothing major, but we wrote less and less often. eventually he had some housing problems and he lost his computer i think, and we fell entirely out of touch after about 2019. he was moved into a care facility in late 2020 after a hospital stay. i only heard news of him in these final years because my partner FaceBook-followed one of the few people who still visited and cared for him in his last years. as i mentioned earlier, he had no extended family and was basically alone for those years. he lived half the country away, so i couldn’t visit.



every person’s end is sad, but Ian really got the absolute shittiest hand dealt to him. no one deserves Huntingtons, it’s a monumentally cruel disease.



i am thankful to have known my friend Ian, aka Icy Stew, i am grateful for my strengths that i owe to his influence.



Ian has two bandcamps of his solo work, I don’t know where payment goes now, but here they are:

https://samarkandohio.bandcamp.com/music
https://bizarredepiction.bandcamp.com/



I have always been specifically fond of Pitch Wheel on the SamarkandOhio page.





Drone Forest has a bandcamp where you can hear our work together, several albums were made by him using sound sources from the rest of the group, notably the first one (Drone Forest I) the 10 hour dronefest Meta:Drone and the 28 hour Pieces of MEGA (which all i was able to recover of his 100 hour drone project). Honey is also one of his i think came out beautifully.

https://droneforest.bandcamp.com/music





The Satanic / food themed metal band Devilcake has a bandcamp as well:

https://devilcake.bandcamp.com/album/i-cant-believe-its-not-satan





the following WordPress site contains later reviews and interviews as a continuation of AutoReverse, done from 2011 to 2016. I am saving it at the Wayback Machine, because I don’t know what the details are of it being online, or how long it will last there:

https://autoreversetoinfinity.wordpress.com/



Wayback Machine saved version of the AutoReverse wordpress site:

https://web.archive.org/web/20230605192429/https://autoreversetoinfinity.wordpress.com/





Some of the contents of the original AutoReverse zines were archived on this old Tripod site, similarly i am saving to Wayback Machine, despite this being patchy

https://autoreverse-webzine.tripod.com/



Wayback Machine saved version of the Autoreverse archive:

https://web.archive.org/web/20230605195455/https://autoreverse-webzine.tripod.com/
vuzh: seven (Default)
using dreamwidth more often does make me wish i had some more accounts to read here. bringing back fond memories of LJ, which was so big for me back then. finding accounts that i'd want to read is a hassle tho. especially since it seems there aren't very many active accounts here :/
vuzh: seven (Default)
how long has LJ crossposting been broken over here?

i presume it's the Russians' fault

feed

May. 20th, 2022 05:29 pm
vuzh: seven (Default)
i'm using dreamwidth a lot as a feedreader, it's pretty good for that. there's one account that i always enjoyed from livejournal, so i made a feed here, it's a community posting pictures of doors. that's it, just doors. it's very satisfying.

thought i'd boost it here in case someone else would like to follow it.

[syndicated profile] doors_v_stene_feed

rss feeds

May. 1st, 2022 04:29 pm
vuzh: seven (Default)
i think i'm going to try subscribing to a bunch of feeds here on dreamwidth and let this become my feedreader?

hopefully that will work. i've used bloglovin' and it's fine, but i'd like to try to use dw a bit more and at least doing this will populate my reading page.

muck fusk

Apr. 25th, 2022 07:20 pm
vuzh: seven (Default)
hi
elon musk bought twitter, might post here (vuzh.dreamwidth.org) more often.

also i'm on the fediverse
https://mastodon.social/@c_reider

trying to find friends there

hello, if anyone is reading this.

dreams

Jun. 28th, 2021 02:06 pm
vuzh: seven (Default)
i dreamed i took a drug i hadn't taken in a long time, i was very happy about taking it. i ate the crystals ravenously. they looked like very clear quartz crystals. as the drug took effect, i woke up. i wonder if the effect of the drug was being awake?


i dreamed that some woman left a fetus in the rainy street. Carrie discovered it and brought it to the emergency room. the Doctors said that if it was going to have any hope of surviving, it would have to be put into someone's womb. Carrie volunteered to have this done. we worried about being parents.
vuzh: seven (Default)
Woke up thinking about this field trip we went on when i was in Middle School.
I may have told this story before.

We went to Hidden Valley Ski Area. A lot of the kids were super excited about it. I didn't know how to ski, but it seemed like all the other kids did. Kinda just like football, all the boys played football all the time, and when we moved to Colorado from Texas, I don't think I'd ever even seen anyone play football before. It was another activity that all the kids did that I didn't know how to do, and another way that I didn't fit in, which is something that I desperately wanted to do throughout my miserable Middle School years.

Somehow I found out that there was ice skating there at Hidden Valley, and suddenly I thought I would be able to participate! I could go and skate instead. I think I had to call to find out how much it cost to rent the skates, and my parents were reluctant to give me the 13 bucks 'cause we were so poor, but they did.

So I went. I waited for all the kids to rent their ski boots and skis and buy their day passes, then when they were all done I rented some skates. After I put them on, the guy told me "actually the skate rink is closed" - I'm like, what? I don't know why he didn't tell me when I rented the skates. I was like why is it closed, and he was like "the skating rink is just like a pond out back, and it's not all the way frozen right now, so you can't skate on it." I tried to get my money back and he was really fucking snotty at me, and resisted, cause I guess there was some no refund policy, but he gave me my money back after some pleading.

So I sat there.
On the bench where you put on your ski boots.
I can remember it pretty well, cause I was there for a long time.

I asked the guy if there was somewhere to get some food, cause I got really hungry.
He said there was a restaurant at the top of the mountain, but you have to have a day pass and take the lift. I was like, well, can I walk down afterward, cause I can't ski, and he said no, it would be dangerous for the people skiing.

So I sat there on that bench, hungry, for many, many, many hours, while all the other kids skied and ate at the restaurant. Since I was alone for so long, and didn't see any of the other kids or the teacher who was watching everyone, I was really worried that I was going to get left behind. The people who worked there were extremely grumpy that I was just sitting there all day, I guess they felt like they weren't being paid to babysit, even though they weren't contributing to my wellbeing in any way.

I vaguely remember having to go outside to pee, cause they wouldn't let me use the restroom. I don't know why they were unnecessarily cruel. I felt like I gave off a sadsack vibe, and everyone knew that I didn't deserve to be treated with any respect at all.

I for sure didn't tell my parents that any of this happened, cause it was so hard to get them to agree for me to go, and to spend the money. I don't know if I told anyone cause it was really humiliating, and I felt like a loser.

This is a metaphor for my entire youth.

(posted to https://vuzh.dreamwidth.org/ crossposted to LiveJournal)

two years

Dec. 19th, 2020 07:43 pm
vuzh: seven (Default)
two years since i've posted anything on DreamWidth.

my post here will not be in depth, i've come here because an old LJ friend commented on some of my posts over there. i had trouble logging in there, but i'm able to log in here. so long as DreamWidth still does crossposting this should make it to LJ as well.

i always consider coming back to this site and using it again, but there's a pull that keeps me at Twitter.

perhaps someday.

life is long and full of difficulties.

dream

Dec. 2nd, 2018 10:10 am
vuzh: seven (Default)
Dreamed that I was hunting mushrooms in the forest and came upon a kitten that led me to a cottage.
Turns out it was a witch's cottage, and the kitten wasn't a kitten, but a man charmed to look like a kitten.
The man was masturbating in the trees, and the witch just wanted me to give her money.

We could use some good witches, so it's a drag to dream about a bad one.

Dream

Sep. 23rd, 2018 12:19 pm
vuzh: seven (Default)
Carrie and I are walking.
We get to a motel. The pavement and rooms are all painted white. In the courtyard as we pull up, it seems to darken with every step. Some of the room's doors appear to be overgrown with vines and garbage. Something is skittering in a corner.

I cannot find which key is the key to our door. I ask Carrie to shine a light on it, so I can see which one it is.

Some men exit their room behind us. On the other side another man exits his room, and I see into the room and I can tell it's actually a night sky, outside in the room. The courtyard seems to have transformed into a room itself, and the doors open to the outside. These men are threatening by dint of the fact that they are men.

I find the key and I'm fumbling it into the lock when Carrie's voice becomes extremely frightened and she says to watch out for ... something.

I turn and there is a male shape of enormous size, perhaps ten feet tall, very wide. It is a negative space, a void. It clearly means to hurt us, and is very close.

I am terrified, but I shake my head and say:

OKAY
YOU - ARE
NOT REAL

And I punch my hand into the negative mass, and I wake up entirely unafraid.

I've had dreams of a scary negative person like this before, I've begun to think of is as symbolic of my depression, which I seem to have escaped some part of.
vuzh: seven (Default)
I'm guessing I should count the final day of the protocol as the day before what would be another dose. So that's today.

I slept almost not at all. I had aforejournaled sexy dream with not sexy elephants, then woke up in a sweat at around 2 or 3. Didn't look at the clock. Had a few bouts where I ~almost~ went to sleep, and had these interesting shifting pattern mandalas spin in my vision like I was dreaming while awake, but it didn't lead to anything. Around 5:30 or 6 I started to cramp up in my intestines and by 7 (or whenever it is Carrie gets up now) I had to get out of bed for a cramping-pooping marathon that lasted until 11:30.

I decided to call the town to get them to shut off the water so I could repair that outside hydrant, so I left work early, but after hours of struggle I couldn't get the head casting off. My brother came by with a ridiculously large pipe wrench and both of us tugging on it together finally broke it free. I broke off a brass connector inside the head casting, so I'm going to take that to work to try to drill it out with a pneumatic drill. Things definitely didn't go to plan there. I thought it'd only take an hour or so. Ha ha. Every muscle in my body is sore after all that struggling with that dang faucet. oof.

Also we'll have no water until sometime tomorrow. double oof.

dream

Sep. 10th, 2018 12:41 pm
vuzh: seven (Default)
I had a sexy and super intense/real-seeming dream with a woman who was a scientist, and seemed very interesting as a person.

At a certain point she had on a costume and I asked her to remove it because it was making me feel uncomfortable. She did. Then I asked if I could photograph her, and she gave consent, but then my phone wasn't working. I fumbled with it trying to make it work.

Then I was charged at by four elephants, each one made of liquid. Of the large three, one was made of water, another of milk, and another of lemon curd. They each had tusks and were very big. The small one was younger, and was made of tears. There was also a tusked boar charging at me, I don't think it was made of anything weird. When I looked around for the woman, whose name I didn't get, I saw her from a distance in a topiary garden and she flipped me off, which was upsetting, but I felt like I deserved it.

Then I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep for the rest of the night, ugh.

Day 29

Sep. 10th, 2018 12:37 pm
vuzh: seven (Default)
Had a pretty okay mood on. Tried to fix the outside water hydrant, but I couldn't get the water shut off valve to close.

Worked on mixing / finishing a bit.

Our neighbor brought over some plums from his tree.

We bopped the ball around at the tennis court, and then had a cherry beer at Berthoud Brewery.
vuzh: seven (Default)
I've already expressed my unease with ending the protocol. I think it's done me a lot of good, and I'm a bit scared to go off the medicine. I guess we'll see how it goes. Ultimately, I think this been a very good experience, and one I would repeat if necessary, and recommend to anyone who found it possible. I have been ambiguous, with reason, about what the medicine I'm taking is, but I would be happy to discuss it with anyone (anyone I know, that is) as long as we can do it not on a public forum.

I took today's dose around one, same amount as I've been taking. I'm probably used to the effect of the medicine within its 4 hour time of most effectiveness, so it almost felt like I hadn't taken anything, though there was absolutely a mood lift, relaxation, mood-levelling and I was more likely to be distracted by little things.

I admired the cat-faced orbweaver that built a web under our porch roof, and took some pictures after she caught a moth or small butterfly. I also admired the purple aster in the front yard, and the solitary bees and flies that it attracts.

We cleaned house, and I looked into what I needed to do to repair the outside all-weather water hydrant. It turns out the kit I bought was missing a part, so I had to go to the hardware store to get that part. Also bought a part for our grill, which had a melted connector.

Later on we bopped the ball around at the tennis court, then went for beer at Berthoud Brewing. They had a couple of specialty beers which, to my taste, were much better than anything they've offered before.
There was an unpleasant drunk man at the bar who told us we didn't look like the type that would play tennis and made some comment about my beard. We basically ignored him and sat out on the patio, but didn't end up staying for a second beer because his presence made the place unpleasant. He was quite rude to the person playing music.

I worked on the text about being an anti-fascist who makes music for the article I was asked to contribute to. It's almost there.

Mood: good.
vuzh: seven (Default)
Wow, I forgot two days in a row. Shoot.

Anyway, they were fairly uneventful days. The weather is slightly cooler and there have been more little rain showers coming through.

On Thursday we went to the taco truck at the brewery, and they had rajitas again which was happymaking since we had gotten tired of nopalitos.

Yesterday, RTV came in at work... I ordered it over 2 months ago. So finally I can do some work.

I started a rough draft of a brief piece of writing someone asked me to do about my thoughts on being an anti-fascist instrumental musician. Going to try to finish that today & send it. Even though I've been writing (almost) every day here & twittering, I still feel out of practice with that kind of writing. bah.

Mood has been good, level.
vuzh: seven (Default)
If I've remembered correctly, this was dose 9.

Took it at a little after 11. On display were essentially all the effects I've described before, but there was absolutely a mood lift, as I had been a bit melancholy before taking the dose. Probably a combination of the rough last couple of days and season change. There was a real nice rain shower last night, so that was a good thing.

I wrote an email to Jeph Jerman that I owed him. It was a little bit difficult to write because of the slight disorientation I get for 4 hours after the dose, but I got it done and it seemed to make sense, ha ha.

That gas problem that's been bugging me came back yesterday a little bit and today a bit more. Hope this works itself out sooner than later, cause it's a bit of a drag. Took a Gas-X, maybe that'll help tonight. Hope so.

The situation in the White House and on Capitol Hill were kind of a focus of the day, with all the crazy stuff happening there. I'm pretty tired of it all. I can't believe people like these creeps. I mean... what's going on here in the U.S. is outrageous.
vuzh: seven (Default)
Yesterday's bad day kinda bled into the overnight time. I slept very fitfully and when I woke up I kept getting caught in these worry loops about nazis / fascists / bad people. It's kind of one thing to be witnessing and engaging in a cultural struggle (even if very minimally from my privileged position of basically not having to engage with people most of the time) that feels very apocalyptic at times - and another thing altogether to get caught in stupid worry loops when I can't actually do anything about anything. My brain is sometimes really not on my side.

A fair amount of anxiety last night and today, manifesting as the shortness of breath symptom that I sometimes get, and also that weird bubble of pain inside my chest.

All of this is discouraging. I had been doing pretty good.

I listened to the newly mixed & finalized versions of these synth tracks I've been trying to finish up. They were a lot closer, so it was encouraging getting some progress on that front.

Nusch gave me one of her rare lappies, sitting there purring and rubbing my face really hard (I thought she might dislocate my nose). Sweet cat. I like it when she sits on my lap.

Later on, we watched the Polish documentary on Jeph Jerman that's finally completed after several years. I guess it's not getting released in the U.S., which seems really peculiar. Good flick anyway.

Also in good news the Department of Transportation finally installed the blinking crosswalk at the dangerous intersection that I have to cross frequently. I'm very happy about that. It'll make crossing there a bit less scary.

Day 23

Sep. 3rd, 2018 08:27 pm
vuzh: seven (Default)
It was a quite bad day.

I think I had too much to drink last night, and I woke up with a headache that wouldn't go away.

A lot of our weekend was spent cleaning house, but it still doesn't look up to snuff, so that's frustrating.

We got grumpy trying to re-install the swamp cooler that we had to take out to break into our house the other day.

Then I had to go to Longmont to find some contraceptive spermicidal gel that we use for "family planning" as they say. King Soopers in Loveland didn't have it, so I drove to Longmont, and the King Soopers there didn't have it. Neither did the two Walgreens I visited, nor the Safeway. On the way out of town I stopped at a Wal Mart that had a different brand of contraceptive gel, so ultimately my trip was successful, but it took a long time and was aggravating. I was gone for two hours and I don't have a cellphone to call home, which I probably should have found a way to do. It was the Labor Day weekend and we heard that someone died on the highway just out of town because of a drunk driver just yesterday.

So it was pretty late by the time I got back and we still had to make food, which was another big stress.

All in all, a very crummy day off.
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