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Protocol, Day 5
Aug. 16th, 2018 09:55 pmThe general consensus of most people i've read doing similar protocols are that the day after the dose is when they see the most benefit. It's hard for me to say, so far. The first dose was pretty euphoric. The following two days felt pretty normal. The second dose was disorienting and a bit melancholy. Today was pretty good, aside from the fact that I was at work and there's nothing to do and I hate my job. I felt like I was rolling with whatever punches there were, which is good. I felt generally OK. I have noticed a certain amount of error-prone-ness, like a bit less of a filter on myself, and a bit less spell-checking. It is possible that this has been a trendline for me for a while now and I'm just now noticing it, or that I'm making more minor errors in communication. I don't know for certain which is more correct.
Carrie did mention that she felt like she was feeling really negative on our walk and I hadn't even noticed. Since I've been so stupidly hypersensitive for the last long-ass time, I think not getting wigged out by a minor, and temporary shift in mood by someone else has got to be a real change in my mode of operation.
Also, I started to wonder about making a plate reverb - which, like... I haven't wondered about doing ~literally anything~ for months.
I also started to investigate getting the trees trimmed, which is something I've felt literally paralyzed about for months.
The thing about my depression when it gets bad is that it completely hobbles me, I can not DO anything. Even if it's just call a few tree places to get quotes - whoa that's TOO MUCH. Things tend to not get done because I'm too much up my own ass to do anything. It's not my fault, but it's bad and I don't want to be that way.
So anyway, I think maybe I'm going to have to chalk today up to one with noticeable changes for the better.
---
Meanwhile, with regard to the dosing day, I am pleased that most of the side effects seem to be confined to the four hour window after taking the medicine.
I have thought about the dose itself as kind of like a slap in the face, and it kind of is, but it's diffuse too. It's like simultaneously a strong effect, and an extremely soft one. It doesn't scare me to be doing this at all anymore. I am unsure whether I'll up my dose next time, if I do it won't be a doubling, it might be just a hair more. I think I'm really close to an optimal dose already.
Carrie did mention that she felt like she was feeling really negative on our walk and I hadn't even noticed. Since I've been so stupidly hypersensitive for the last long-ass time, I think not getting wigged out by a minor, and temporary shift in mood by someone else has got to be a real change in my mode of operation.
Also, I started to wonder about making a plate reverb - which, like... I haven't wondered about doing ~literally anything~ for months.
I also started to investigate getting the trees trimmed, which is something I've felt literally paralyzed about for months.
The thing about my depression when it gets bad is that it completely hobbles me, I can not DO anything. Even if it's just call a few tree places to get quotes - whoa that's TOO MUCH. Things tend to not get done because I'm too much up my own ass to do anything. It's not my fault, but it's bad and I don't want to be that way.
So anyway, I think maybe I'm going to have to chalk today up to one with noticeable changes for the better.
---
Meanwhile, with regard to the dosing day, I am pleased that most of the side effects seem to be confined to the four hour window after taking the medicine.
I have thought about the dose itself as kind of like a slap in the face, and it kind of is, but it's diffuse too. It's like simultaneously a strong effect, and an extremely soft one. It doesn't scare me to be doing this at all anymore. I am unsure whether I'll up my dose next time, if I do it won't be a doubling, it might be just a hair more. I think I'm really close to an optimal dose already.
