4/12

Apr. 12th, 2017 07:14 pm
vuzh: seven (Default)
[personal profile] vuzh
Grief has its own way of progressing, there are a few things that are the same every time for me. The feeling of emptiness, of regret, the memories of the good times, the horrible feeling that time is moving on and therefore moving ~away, away~ from your loved one... away from the time you had together, away from your strongest memories of them. A strong resentment of time's progression. The feeling of horror at the thought that this sickened feeling will pass and everything will be ok again... I can barely deal with the pain, but I don't want to just feel ok again. I'm missing something so important, how can I move on? Recovery is both necessary and terrible to imagine.

Lumpy and I were good friends. I guess that the fewer friends you have, the more value you give to each of them. We were pretty close.

We picked up his cremains day before yesterday. It was an exhausting trip, quite far out of the way. I haven't brought myself to look at the cremains yet. I will do that soon.

...

Carrie and I have been, on some days, stopping to walk at some of the local trails. It is easier for us to do now that we don't need to rush back home to be sure to attend to Lumpy's illness. Yesterday, we stopped at a little riverside loop that we hadn't been to before. We note the homeless camps on each walk, there are very many in this area. They're sporadic, and each camp appears to accomodate one person at a time. They leave behind containers filled, and often helpfully marked as "not booze". We don't often see people around the camps, I imagine they converge on them at night time.
Yesterday we saw a gang of wild turkeys, four females and one very large male prone to display. Wild turkeys seem to be ascending in population, as I'd never seen them in this area until very recently. The local paper mentioned that they were in town a few weeks ago.

...

I have been very dismayed at the quick spiral downhill of LiveJournal. I've seen reporting on Gizmodo that anti-Putin political communities and pro-LGBTQ communities will no longer be tolerated. None of the official LJ statements have reflected this, but I do feel great unease at the move to Russia. I had a great amount of goodwill for LJ, despite their many, many, many missteps over the years. It was where I found my first major social network on the internet. I did a lot of good writing there. My move to DreamWidth had been long postponed because of the goodwill I still held for LJ.

Now that I'm here on DreamWidth, I'm questioning why I should continue to crosspost to a platform that no longer values free exchange of ideas... while at the same time lamenting that some of the things I've been happy to read on LJ (including some Russian communities) will not be accessible on DreamWidth (unless there is some syndication feature via RSS that I'm not aware of).

Side note: I need to learn how to use DreamWidth's footers for crossposting. My user name is the same at DW as it is on LJ, if you read this and would like to friend me over there, I'd love to see you there.

...

Dishearteningly, Impulsive Habitat STILL has not rectified the problem with the cover art that they caused. They published my album a month and a half ago with cover art that was altered from the original that I sent them, an alteration I did not approve. After I emailed them (immediately) asking that they revert the album to the original cover art, they neglected to respond for weeks. When they did respond, they said my photo didn't meet their aesthetic. I responded with a new photograph for their consideration, and expressed that I ought to have been consulted before they published the work, if they were going to alter the photo so significantly. They eventually approved the new photo with (much more minor) alterations - alterations that they asked my approval on - and which I approved. (This is the way it should work, the way it should have gone in the first place!) They acknowledged my approval and said everything would be corrected by ... last week. Well it hasn't been corrected, and I've pretty much had it. My thought is that I'm going to upload the work to my BandCamp and start to promote it with no mention of the Impulsive Habitat label. I normally like to give a netlabel exposure by letting them have exclusive distribution of a work, and directing people to the site, but this whole affair is so... disrespectful... that I feel like I have no real desire to promote their label anymore. This is by far the worst experience I've ever had with a label. They had been one of my most respected netlabels. I'm very disappointed with them. It has cast a dark cloud over this album release, for me.

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